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Literature by The-Bloody-Bishop

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Submitted on
August 23, 2013
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10 (who?)
With numb finger tips
That I cannot control
They touch my hands
And shake

My face is hot
And no one understands
How hard it is for me
To get beyond myself

And in this sort of
Confused daze
I fall further to anxiety
And fear

Everyone seeing me as
The worried wreck that I am
Merely progresses the apprehension
I cannot shake this off

Spinning, churning stomach
I catch my breathe to find
That my body
Cannot stop trembling
With distress

It's labor to simply
Stop myself from panicking
My nerves are raw
And I feel frail

My head twirls
In dizzying thought
Perhaps trying to fix myself
Was beyond my capabilities
And I feel hopelessly uneasy

I'm running in circles
In myself
And further strain
My worried mind

I'm waiting for myself
To give in
And crumble with this tension
Of worry

I've grown weary
To this process
But in the end
It's all I know

I can't talk myself out
Of fearing
Things are crumbling
Or that the worst will happen

And as I sit
With wavering hands
Pounding heart
Churning stomach
Worried thoughts
I catch your eye
And everything melts

For I have always been
Such an anxious person
But feelings are put at ease
When my mind takes you in
And relaxes to believe
For once
Worry is unnecessary

I'm a bumbling fool
More so than
Anything I've known
But seeing you
Steadies me

I'm a ball of nerves
With impaired perspective
But your voice
Stops the trembling

I sigh with relief
And I feel the progress
Slowly sinking in
And for a brief moment
I can breathe again

You are my breath
Alrighty folks so...
This means.. A lot to me?
I don't typically write 'poetry' but..
Writing right now is really all I can do.

So if you didn't know, I suffer from extreme social anxiety.
I have panic attacks, and I have been hospitalized before for them.
And in all my years, nothing has ever really helped me... But my boyfriend.
He was this calming factor in my life that just made everything feel okay and alright.
And since the whole incident with him being gone, it's been a very difficult thing to overcome.
My anxiety has spiked again, my panic attacks come in waves some days, and it is very hard for me.
But when he calls... When I get to visit him... God, everything melts. I stop shaking. I breathe again.

So this is how... My anxiety feels.
And how my boyfriend.. Steadies me.
He's been this saving grace these last two years.
I would not be who I am now without him. I'm just really thankful he put up with me and helped me so much become the person I am today. I have become such a strong woman thanks to him.
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Ask-Princess-Olivia Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013
(( That's so awesome. This is absolutely beautiful -- a lot of people on here can write really well but they just don't show it! Shame. Thanks for sharing yourself and your talent with us :hug: ))
DruidTeeth Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2013  Student General Artist
Oh no I'm so sorry to hear about your anxiety!! I can totally relate, I have pretty bad anxiety too that I'm heavily medicated for :< I hope everything between you and your boyfriend gets better!
dino-star Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2013
Thankfully, I have gotten onto medication for it as well, but it's a slow process and the sorts.
Medication + therapy have been helping, but there is nothing like what he was/is able to do for me.

Thank you very much. It's rough, but.
It's moving along? ;w;
Megaloaf Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2013  Hobbyist
oh darling this is beautiful
i hope everything is going well with you two and that everything gets figured out
dino-star Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2013
Thank you, Meg ;ω;
It's hard, but slowly getting a little easier... I'm trying to find a job to keepme busy since art is a bbit hard at the moment haha.
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